Taylored Memorial Creations

All the things that used to annoy me... I had no idea how much I would later miss them. The biggest one was the way you would talk incessantly as soon as I got home. I didn’t have any time to decompress, think through my day, and think about what I would accomplish for the night. It was a barrage of things on your mind, questions you wanted to ask, and ideas you wanted feedback on. You would talk until, exasperated, I would ask you to just stop talking for a while and give me some quiet time. I had no idea how soon I would have more quiet than I could possibly imagine. What I wouldn’t give to have those conversations now. How I regret every time I stopped you from talking to me and from asking me questions. How I would love to fill up my days with those conversations…especially those nights when I sit here by myself, wanting nothing more than some conversation. To talk about what my day was like, mistakes I made, things I didn’t get done, and what the rest of my life will look

So, the #1 Question: How Am I? Indeed. How am I? I often answer this complicated question with a brush off and a quick, “I’m fine.” And maybe sometimes, if I’m feeling particularly light, I’ll add, “Taking it one day at a time.” But if you know me well, I have trouble looking you in the eye when I answer. The pain of answering it honestly is too much. My life partner of 30 years is suddenly gone, and my world has instantly changed without my permission or approval. I now have to make decisions, and do things, everything, entirely on my own. A once busy, two-person team has just vanished, and is replaced with a team of one that doesn’t always feel motivated to get up in the morning--let alone “seize the day”. And I have to face it EVERY DAY. Every day. I don’t get a vacation from it, I can’t avoid it, and I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. Everything in my whole life is a constant reminder of it. So, how am I? Well, I struggle to get up every day. I struggle to find joy